Up front, let me tell you I can't take full credit for this. The seeds of thought that germinated into these comments were sown by two others some time ago.
The first of these being my step-grandfather, Erwin Dryer, who told me point blank one day that "If you aren't going to die from it, aren't going to go to prison for it, then you probably will get over it. So, get on with it." Grandpa was a plain spoken man who had little to say but much to do. In both cases it was because he found that doing accomplished a great deal more than talking. To his credit, he lived the truth of his words to the end of his life.
Now, what I took this to mean was simply that our greatest fears, those which keep our feet firmly planted in place through worry, are typically much less dreadful or awful than we imagine or make them out to be. But, they will almost certainly grow larger in their affects the longer we put them off. Common sense should tell us very few of our fears resolve themselves of their own accord. So, face them, deal with them and put them behind you. If you screwed up, do what you can to fix the wrong that was done, apologize to those to whom you've done wrong that you haven't the means to correct, accept with grace criticism you earned through your action or inaction. Then move on. In the time that follows, long or short, you may yet come across the opportunity to bring to yourself well-earned credit, approbation and approval through accomplishing something because you had freed up some time by dealing with something and letting it go when you should have - in the past.
The second person to whom I need give credit for my thoughts in this blog is Mr. Paul Pond, my instructor in Project Management at Amberton University in Garland, Texas. Mr. Pond understood the first and most important rule of projects no matter their nature. Quite simply, it is called "Project Management" and not "Project Doing" for a reason. A person has to manage others in the doing of things in every project. If you can or will do everything yourself, what you are working on is probably a task and not a project at all.
That said, Mr. Pond had an approach to management he often referred to as giving "instructions for the care and feeding of monkeys." In this approach, problems, assignments, tasks, and work in general will all be referred to as monkeys. Inasmuch as people are prone to many vices, major and minor, they very often find themselves with less than the optimal level of interest, effort or will to take care of their monkeys. So, they will, when given an opportunity, give their monkey to someone else. And if you're the project manager you will probably be their first choice. If you want to remain the project manager, for your own sake, don't let them give you their monkey. By all means allow them to tell you about their monkey, their difficulties with dealing with their monkey, the other monkeys they would prefer to the one they have, and on and on. Then, when they have run out of things to say about their monkey, give them some instructions for care and feeding the monkey and tell them to report back to you at reasonable intervals so you can assure yourself the monkey is not only not dead, but properly fed and nurtured. No project manager wants a list of dead monkeys on his resume. Hence, the necessity of getting an update about these monkeys. In project management, monkey abandonment is a death sentence.
Everyone could gain from the full version of Mr. Pond's monkey analogy. But, for me, it gave me a form of enlightenment that has on many an occasion allowed me to increase my level of happiness by looking at problems from a different point of view - particularly those problems people seem to think I should be solving when I have problems that are genuinely my own and need to deal with now rather than later as per my grandfather referenced above.
So, now I ask myself these questions when confronted with a problem.
First, is this really my problem or is someone just attempting to give me their monkey? Then ask yourself just how many monkeys belonging to other people you have room and resources for in your life and how many other monkeys you are willing to adopt. Because, as soon a people find out you adopted someone else's monkey, they are going to want to give you theirs as well. If you decide this is not your problem and you don't have room to adopt more monkeys, refer to Paul Pond's project management skills. If you decide that it is your problem and this is your monkey that someone is returning to it's proper home then refer to grandpa Dryer's advice.
Second, presuming the problem/monkey is yours, ask yourself does this need to be done right now or what will happen if I set this aside for the moment to take care of more critical problems/monkeys ahead of this. I don't advocate putting off what need best be done today, but life is sometime like triage.
Third, ask yourself what are the consequences of doing nothing? Despite all you may have been told, some things should be consigned to oblivion, allowed to decay into mulch to be used a fertilizer for other things to grow from, left unsaid or undone. And in the end, all monkeys should be allowed an appropriately dignified death and exit when the right time comes.
Fourth, if you find yourself without a problem or monkey, please don't feel compelled to go out and find one. If you do, then please understand, no one else will want to hear, see, or share in you new found source of worry and need.
Finally, remember the words of the Sermon on the Mount, which I will loosely paraphrase as to say, sufficient are the worries of this day unto this day. There is at least as much a chance that tomorrow will bring you a solution to today's problems as there is a chance it will bring you a new problem.
If Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddha, every other major or minor deity, all the great philosophers and generals of the past couldn't or wouldn't fix every problem before they moved on to whatever they are doing now, then don't feel less about yourself that you went to bed and got a good night's sleep despite it all.
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